We often project ideals – flawless, faultless, perfect versions of the people we’re attracted to, people we are interested in.
But these qualities are just ideals. People are not flawless nor are they faultless, they are real and human with their good traits and bad traits.
Seeing only their good traits in your idealised version of them and ignoring the rest, you end up putting them on a pedestal. Whereas comparing them to your ideal version of them and them falling short, you become disappointed and frustrated. You must distinguish between the ideal of the person and the actual person. The two are different.
Accept people for who they are the good and the bad. Be open and non-judgemental in accepting people’s weaknesses as well as appreciating their positives. Learn to understand people, why they are the way they are. Be inquisitive. Then life becomes a lot more interesting.
Instead of ideals, have standards – not of the other person but of yourself. Standards are unbreakable integral values based on unwavering belief systems we hold and live by. They define who we are, what we do and why we do the things we do.
Having standards shifts the focus back to you. Ideals are what you would like in another person, standards are based on how you perceive yourself (and therefore what you think you deserve) and what you expect from yourself. Standards give you clarity on what it is you want in a relationship, which gives you power because you know exactly what you stand for and are unaffected by the opinions and actions of others. When you know your standards then you have integrity to uphold them.
So to summarise, don’t idolise people, don’t get blinded by the ideal version of someone, have less boxes for people to tick and accept people for their weaknesses , take a genuine interest in people and who they are, be clear about your own standards when it comes to relationships so you know what you want, what you don’t want and when to walk away.
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