Become the Change You Want to Be

The life experiences that we experience are a reflection of who we are and who we are being. Often you hear things like think positive and you will attract positive things into your life. Thinking positively generally, let alone thinking positively about something we think negatively about is extremely difficult. Thinking negatively is much easier, what we’re used and the wiring our brains are used to.

Thoughts you think based on your beliefs, create your reality. This may sound far-fetched but let me explain, if you hold a certain negative belief it is actually hindering you from experiencing that which you want to experience. Because by holding on to a negative belief, you will always live to confirm that belief, thus further perpetuating its existence in your life. For example if you believe there is no one out there for you (to be in a relationship with), then that will be your reality, because even from a practical point of view you are limiting yourself to experiencing things that are congruent with that thinking – you may judge people without getting to know them and miss out on opportunities to met great people because you have the mindset that there is no one for you, so you don’t even bother trying. And for the record there are 7 billion people in the world so it is highly unlikely you won’t find anyone. I know a lot of people who feel this way because they’ve been hurt or disappointed in past relationships and they use that past experience as a representation as to what their future will be.

For whatever change or transformation you want in your life think about how the person who has what you want – be it physical things e.g. money or non-physical such as confidence, would be. Think how they would think, behave, talk, walk etc and do those things yourself. The more detail you go into, the better.  This is what successful people do – they copy the people they want to become and emulate all qualities that encompass successful people. Sometimes what helps when you can’t think certain things or feel a certain way that you would prefer to, is to do the things that you would do if you thought or felt that way, and paradoxically doing that those things will bring you those feelings genuinely. So force yourself to do things even when you don’t feel like it.

There are three parts to becoming the change in which we want to be and those are our thoughts, feelings and behaviours – these factors are all interlinked. Usually we think of thoughts and feelings dictating our behaviours more so than the other way around but the opposite is true also. When we act a certain way, we feel a certain emotion and are in a certain mental state that resonates with the behaviour. And choosing to behave in a certain way can elicit those feelings.

Even if you think it’s silly to do something because you don’t want to or feel like it, let me challenge you to do that thing anyway. You cannot change your reality – or version of reality if you are always holding the same beliefs or if you are thinking, feeling and acting in the same way you used to. It sounds obvious yet a lot of people don’t do this. You cannot act or even feel and think in one way, and have things turn out another, experiences that are not congruent with your thoughts, feelings and actions – that is not possible. After all our realities are just our perception of the experiences we have of the world.

So for example if you hate your current life you cannot change it by continuing to feel hate and think about your problems and act by doing nothing but stay helpless in your situation. Taking action will change your life of course but changing the way you think and feel is also important. One way you could do this is by the behaviour of giving gratitude. Gratitude is a feeling but if you don’t feel truly grateful, then you don’t – you can’t force it by willing it. But by expressing gratitude daily for what you do have in your life will help you to, over time, truly feel grateful.

You have to think about what works for you – changing your thoughts, feelings and behaviours, in each situation. Each situation is different and requires you to first focus on changing what you can – the easiest thing and then building from that. However it is important to change a combination of all three. Although they interact with each other and influence one another naturally but you must also consciously change each of them most the greatest results.

So when you are feeling, thinking or acting in a certain way, become aware that you are doing it and you can change one of the three elements to become the person you would like to be to create a reality that you would prefer. It is not easy by any means and requires some time, much commitment and consistency to see results – for your reality to reflect the change you are creating yourself. For a while you may feel that no matter what you are doing, nothing is changing and you feel like giving up but remember that it takes some time for change to happen, you just have to keep going. Sometimes it can feel so damn hard to change and you really don’t want to do anything but your life isn’t going to change of its own accord. You are responsible (have the ability to respond) for your life, for creating the life you want.

It’s true we can’t always control what happens in our life but we can control how we respond to such things, which changes how the future is for us.

Remember that change comes from within, inside out. So instead of living a reality you don’t want to be, think about how you can change – your thoughts, feelings and behaviours to resonate with the person you want to be, and you will find that in doing so, you become that person. So now the choice is yours. Who do you want to be?


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